There
is little or no help for a male spouse being abused by a
female spouse. Help on the Internet is aimed at man abusing
woman. Many men are afraid or don't want to take action
fearing the outcomes and consequences.
''People
always looked at me dubiously if I told them that my ex-wife
had abused me. I'm much bigger than she was, and I'm sure
they find it difficult to understand how that could happen.
I just wasn't willing to hit her back.''
There
are many reasons why men might stay in an abusive relationship.
Shame: "What will people think if they knew I let a
woman beat up on me?" - "I don't want to be laughed
at." - "No one would believe me." Other factors:
protection of children, financial dependency, emotional
isolation, guilt, low self-esteem, lack of a better option,
thinking things might get better, love, inability to see
the difference between a loving relationship and an abusive
one, and pure fear.
Battered
Husband Syndrome
Men who suffer physical abuse at the hands of a partner
are often reluctant to report it. Terry is like any other
spouse who has suffered physical abuse at a partner's hands.
The shame, the stigma, the sticking it out in the hopes
that things will change -- all these are part of Terry's
experience. He
is one of Canada's 546,000 male victims of domestic abuse.
His wife's behaviour escalated into physical violence within
their first year together. Ambush
is a common strategy. Like most male victims, Terry never
reported the abuse to police. He is, however, in counselling.
Heterosexual
males experience the same dynamics of interpersonal violence
as female victims including experiences of disbelief, ridicule
and shame that only enhance their silence.
Signs
of an Abusive Relationship
Do
you:
- feel
afraid of your partner much of the time?
- avoid
certain topics out of fear of angering your partner?
- feel
that you can’t do anything right for your partner?
- believe
that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated?
- wonder
if you’re the one who is crazy?
- feel
emotionally numb or helpless?
|
Does
your partner:
- humiliate,
criticize, or yell at you?
- treat
you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your
friends or family to see?
- ignore
or put down your opinions or accomplishments?
- blame
you for her own abusive behavior?
- see
you as property or a sex object, rather than as
a person?
-
act excessively jealous and possessive?
-
control where you go or what you do?
- keep
you from seeing your friends or family?
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Tell
Someone - Take Care of You!
The
scars of domestic violence and abuse run deep. The trauma
of what you’ve been through can stay with you long
after you’ve escaped the abusive situation. Counseling,
therapy, and support groups for domestic abuse survivors
can help you process what you’ve been through and learn
how to build new and healthy relationships.
