Husband Battery - Battered Men - Abused Husbands

• She was verbally abused as a child, witnessed it in her own family, or was verbally abused by a previous partner.
• She has low self-esteem.
• She has an intense temper, triggered by minor frustrations and arguments.
• Her sense of power or control depends on her partner's acquiescence and his performance per her demands. She feels "in control" only if her partner is totally passive and giving in to all of her preferences and decisions.
• She has rigid expectations or fantasies of marriage, partnership, or men, and will not compromise. She expects him to behave according to her expectations of what her partner should be like; perhaps the way her parents' marriage was, or its opposite. She demands that he change to accommodate her expectations.
• She projects the blame for all relationship difficulties onto her partner. She wouldn't get angry if only he would be who she wants him to be... She wouldn't drink if he didn't make her unhappy... She denies the need for counseling because there's "nothing wrong with her, only with him." She might not want him to get counseling because she's threatened by the threat of an outsider "taking sides" with him.
• Abusers are extremely possessive and jealous. They experience an intense desire to control their mates.
• Abusers often have superficial relationships with other people. Her primary, if not exclusive, relationship is with her husband/boyfriend.
• She may be described as having a dual personality -- she is either sweet or exceptionally cruel and sharp. She is selfish or generous depending on her mood.
• A major characteristic of abusers is their capacity to deceive others. She can be sweet, calm, charming and convincing.
• The mate is usually a symbol. The abuser doesn't relate to her partner as a person in his own right, but as a symbol of a significant other. This is especially true when she's angry. She assumes that he is thinking, feeling, or acting like that significant other -- often her father (or other family member or authority figure).

• An abuser is not always a man
• An abuser is not always the product of an abusive childhood.
• You can not always spot an abuser "from a mile away". In fact, many former victims can tell you that they would have never suspected their abuser until it was already too late.
• An abuser is not restricted to inflicting only physical pain. Most times, the psychological damage far exceeds the physical damage.

• Denial: In many cases, the abuser will act as if nothing happened, in order to excuse his/her behavior. If they do admit their actions, it is always the fault of the victim. They justify their actions by claiming that they were provoked.
• Abusive men and women tend to feel inadequate and depressed. Abusive men and women generally come off to the outsider as arrogant and overly self-confident. This is in fact a defense mechanism they use to hide their dislike for themselves.
• Jealousy and possessiveness: An abuser feels jealous and over-possessive of their victim. They often demand to know their victims whereabouts at all times, get insanely jealous at the slightest hint of someone else getting any of their victims attention, and become very hostile at the thought of losing their "property".
• Domination and emotional attachment: An abuser expects complete attention and support from their girlfriend / boyfriend / wife / husband. Abusers expect and demand complete control and submittance on the part of their victim.
• Inability to understand or recognize their problem: The abuser is often times, if at all, the last person to admit that they have a problem. Abusers commonly do not respond well to counseling because they are unable to understand their anger or confusion.
• Alcohol and drug abuse: Abusers tend to lean towards drugs and/or alcohol as an "escape". However, the effects of the drugs and alcohol make the attacks much more intense. Many interviewed abusers, accused of murder, use alcohol and drugs as their alibi. "I did not know what I was doing" or "I can't remember" are very common excuses.
• Manipulation: Abusers know how and when to make their partner feel guilty. By causing guilt, the victim is more likely to stay and deal with the abuse, rather then feel "responsible" for any harm their abuser might inflict on themselves. Suicide is frequently used as a method of manipulation. Sometimes an abuser will go as far as to cut or cause other forms of harm to themselves in order to keep their victim from leaving.
• Frequent abuser: Many abusers have previous instances of abuse in their pasts. Some might have even been arrested or treated for violent tendencies. However often times their current partner is unaware of these situations.
• Obsessed with weapons: Many abusers are infatuated with weapons. They will collect certain weapons, spend countless hours talking about weapons, and participate in events which give them the power to use weapons.
• Stalking: As an undercover method of maintaining control, an abuser will stalk or follow their partner from a far. Its purpose is to frighten their victim, and to prevent them from taking the initiative to leave. Overall, stalking invokes fear, without the abuser even touching their victim.

• Women are three times more likely than men to use weapons in spousal violence.
• Women initiate most incidents of spousal violence.
• Women commit most child abuse and most elder abuse.
• Women hit their male children more frequently and more severely than they hit their female children.
• Women commit most child murders and 64% of their victims are male children.
• When women murder adults the majority of their victims are men .
• Women commit 52% of spousal killings and are convicted of 41% of spousal murders.
• Eighty two percent of the general population had their first experience of violence at the hands of women.